Bouncing Back

You know the phrase, a dog is a man's best friend? Well, now I know why.

This morning, I was just mad. Mad at the alarm for waking me up (even though I had to get in to work), mad that the alarm was louder than usual (it wasn't, however), mad that it was only Thursday and mad that Brinkley was taking her sweet time to get ready for her walk. Her new thing is to start using other people's yards as restrooms, meaning I get the pleasure of carting her "contents" around with us on our 2 mile walk. And she ALWAYS does it a few houses down from ours. So this morning, I thought I would nip this in the bud. Instead of headed for the sidewalk, we took a stroll in big circles around the yard. She was on her leash, and I kept using the command "potty" to get her to go. Her incredibly playful demeanor this morning was not at all welcome by me, seeing as I had woken up, clearly, on the wrong side of my giant, lonely bed. I raised my voice with her and even used a little more force than usual. I FELT TERRIBLE. Of course, I began to cry as soon as I realized I had taken out frustration and anger with my beloved pet who only wants to love me and show me all kinds of affection. I quickly embraced her (all 17 pounds :) ) and gave her love and attention. We began our walk, me telling myself that my punishment for being a temporarily horrible mother was to cart along the poop - without complaints.

And then, when we arrived home, I realized she wasn't mad at me at all. I screwed up big. I hurt her when she didn't deserve it. I yelled when she deserved praise. Despite all this, that cute tail was furiously wagging as she ran as quick as her little legs would take her right into my arms. I felt so guilty I spent extra time in the yard playing with her, arranging my morning ritual to now fit hers. We ran back and forth, up and down, all around the yard. Her tail was wagging, her tongue out, and she always came to me. When she would finally catch up, she sat on my feet, as if it to let me know that she was a little tired and just ready for her love.

Dogs really are man's best friend. They are so forgiving, loving and protective. If someone took out their bad morning on me for no reason, I would be hurt and stay as far away from that person as possible. But Brinkley taught me a lesson today (I know God was up to this one). It's important to wake up and start the day on the right foot, with the right attitude, so as not to affect people around you. Thankfully, the person who received the blunt end of my bad morning was a puppy who had no other emotion to feel but love. What if I had taken it out on my husband?

So, Brinkley, although you cannot read and have no idea how much this morning's incident has been eating away at me, thank you so much. Thanks for being so forgiving and for teaching me a huge life lesson. Who ever knew dogs served such a Godly purpose in our lives?!

A Little Under the Weather

Ugh. I haven't been feeling that great lately, which I absolutely, completely hate. It drives me crazy to not be functioning at 100%, but I really think that sometimes I'm meant to get sick just so I will learn to slow down.

Today I was thinking about the things I love when I'm sick though:

• The morning I wake up and I start feeling better :)
• Chicken Noodle soup
• Snuggling in my bed
• Hot bubble baths
• The smell of Vic's Vapor Rub (not the feel of it, though)

Brinkley hasn't been the biggest help lately, either. She didn't sleep much over the weekend, so I had trouble catching up on much needed sleep and then she went to the restroom twice in the house today. I can't get too mad at her, though, she's just too darn cute!

So Sad to See You Go...

Well, it was that time again.

Jimmy came home Friday (it was a surprise!) and stayed the weekend. We enjoyed a relaxing weekend of playing outside with Brinkley, sleeping in (can you believe we were able to do that with Brinkley?!), and being lazy. We got a few things accomplished around the house and definitely made strides in Brinkley's training. However, those weekends seem to fly by just too darn fast.

Jimmy left this afternoon and every time he leaves, it gets harder and harder. We only have 3 weeks left of being apart, but my eyes well with tears when he gets into his Civic and heads towards I-45 North. Alone again.

I've noticed that life is definitely harder without my husband around. Don't get me wrong, though, I love having a family that will open their doors to Brinkley and me and let us eat, sleep and relax at their home. It's nice to go to bed at night knowing there are other people around. I also enjoy my morning ritual of coffee, listening to Jake complain about having to wake up so early, and walking Brinkley and the other kids to school. But something is different when Jimmy is home. Life seems easier. Little things don't bother me. Everything just fits.

So as I watched the silver Civic drive down my street this afternoon in the rain, I praised God for the moment we had right before he left. It was hard to praise God during that moment of extreme pain and lonliness, but I found the strength to thank Him for the love that I saw in his eyes and that last kiss. I also know that in three short weeks I will be able to whole-heartedly rejoice that life will officially start for this small Fraser family. It will be the first time Jimmy and I have ever lived together without one of us having to eventually leave.

I love you, Jimmy and miss you more than words can explain.

Crush

I noticed that I've been blogging quite a bit about Brinkley, and in the meantime, have managed to leave any blogging about my husband out! This blog will be dedicated to him! I have a major crush on my husband and this song always reminds me of him:

Do you hear me?
I'm talking to you
Across the water, across the deep blue ocean
Under the open sky, oh my, baby I'm trying

Boy I hear you in my dreams
I feel your whisper across the sea
I keep you with me in my heart
You make it easier when life gets hard

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again

They don't know how long it takes
Waiting for a love like this
Every time we say goodbye
I wish we had one more kiss
I'll wait for you, I promise I will

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again

Lucky we're in love in every way
Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed
Lucky to be coming home someday


I love you, Jimmy!

Lovely Day

Today was a wonderful day! Beautiful weather, got a lot done at work, and Brinkley was fantastic. Not much else to say, so I'll leave you with pictures of Brinks.

Things I Miss

This morning, as I drove to work, I suddenly felt reminiscent for a bunch of random things. Naturally, I thought I would share :)

• I miss just last week when Brinkley was small enough to fit perfectly in my lap. She wasn't as brave then and she wouldn't leave my side.
• I miss Disney World. I heard an Aerosmith song in the car and I instantly longed for the thrill of Rockin' Rollercoaster at Hollywood Studios. I also miss the excitement I feel when I'm at the parks - it really brings out the kid in me.
• I miss the early days of my relationship with Jimmy (although, don't get me wrong, I LOVE everything about being married now!). I look back at one night that we spent before we started dating. We walked around on a golf course and then watched the stars. I remember the rush of feelings I had for him and wondered if he felt them back. When I think back to those days, I get butterflies again.
• I miss seeing my friends all the time. With work and a crazy life, I only see my friends at little spurts. Growing up is definitely harder than it looks when you are a kid.
• I miss Oklahoma in the spring. No humidity, just beautiful weather.
• I miss Jimmy A LOT. God is putting our marriage to the ultimate test this last month as we await the day we can finally live and be together.
• I miss having the energy to run 3 or more miles a day. Things just haven't been the same since I graduated.
• I miss homework and studying. Yes, it may seem odd, but I totally miss it.

Although I miss quite a lot of things, I can't help but praise God for all of the amazing things that He is doing in my life. I praise Him for giving me all those times in my life that I can now look back on with such fondness. God is good, ALL the time!

New Additions

Jimmy and I have added a new little member to our family, our gorgeous yellow lab pup, Brinkley. We bought her on Easter and feel completely blessed to have such an amazing addition to our family. Jimmy left to head back to OU the day after Easter, so I have been left to raise this fast-growing puppy on my own; I'm not sure I knew what I was getting myself into.

At first, Brinkley was shy and loving. She wanted to be held, stroked, carried and loved on constantly. Less than a week later, my little puppy has matured into a brave little explorer, constantly testing the boundaries...and my patience.

God certainly has blessed us with Brinkley, and I know He is working in our lives through her. She has brought me a joy that I can't ever say I have felt before. My motherly instincts are in high-gear as I train and love on her, but I am quickly realizing how hard and trying it is to be a mother.

Yesterday was the hardest day yet. Brinkley came out of no where and bit my arm and it took me by such surprise and shock that I accidentally pushed her back - harder than I would have liked. My eyes immediately welled with tears when I realized that I had shown my baby anger and disappointment in a physical manner. I figured it was pent up energy that was causing her to act out in such a way, so I immediately leashed her up and took her for our routine morning walk. It was so nice to walk Jacob to school and talk about his future, what he is learning about and what he looks forward to at school. All the while, my adorable pup followed close behind. When we returned home, she played with her toys awhile and quickly fell asleep. It was so cute to watch her sleep and I was incredibly relieved that this long walk tired her out so much that she slept through her first big storm. We did have to run in the rain a few times to go potty, but she learned how dry and warm the inside of the house can be. Hopefully, this caused her to appreciate not having to live outside.

But, her cute behavior quickly faded when she woke up. She spent the rest of the day and into the night biting on my fingers, legs, ankles, shirt, pants and everything she could find. She even wandered upstairs to have a little tinkle - in my room. I was so disappointed with her downward spiral of behavior that I felt anger, again, and immense frustration. Why was she acting this way? Where did I go wrong? How do I train her correctly?

So, I did what any good mother would do - I prayed. I prayed hard. I prayed last night for patience that could not be supplied by me alone. I prayed that my heart would fill with love for her and understanding that she is not doing these bad things to punish me. I prayed that God would prepare me for another day of being a mother, friend and owner.

When I woke up today, it was a new day. As always, Brinkley and I were up early enough to welcome the sunrise. It was unfortunate that the clouds covered the sun from shining in, and we saw the impending rain storms and decided an early morning run was necessary. We ran all around our neighborhood and she was fantastic. She did her business outside like I asked, and responded well to all commands. While we played, she listened and stayed close. I can tell she loves being around me, even if I'm just playing on the computer or sitting on the couch. My presence reassures her and makes her feel loved and safe. We spent our first one on one time together this morning, and my prayers were answered. She was fabulous. Yes, she bit me a few times. Yes, she was rambunctious and a little bit rough. But she listened when asked. She sat when told. She licked and loved when the opportunity was available. And now, as I sit here in the solitude of silence with a much needed Starbucks in front of me, I thank God for the silence and obedience of my sleeping dog. I thank Him for the patience that has taken over my heart and the love that I feel for her. God is good, all the time.

Sleep now, my little Brinkley, and enjoy these moments of peace as well. Know that even though you can make Mommy a little frustrated, no one loves you like I do.